Angry with myself

Again. This year I will turn 45, no guarantees of course, however I believe I will become 99, and just the other day I told myself, again, I should know better by now. Really. I do still tell myself that occasionally, with full understanding I’ll will never be through learning. The realization of still doing that ridiculous habit, made me angry with myself, again.

Getting better at going with the flow, so when our oldest dog has a bad day, I know I have to walk three shorter strolls instead of two longer hikes and adjust the rest of my plans for that day. However, my youngest dog (turning two years old in March) has a problem with calming down and I have to put her on the leash next to me, to protect herself against herself, to make sure she rest enough. It got me thinking, maybe I need a leash too. Really. Really?

Angry with myself again. Do I really need a leash, literally or metaphorically, to calm down every now and then? Do I really need to read articles, scientifically based or experience-based, that I need at least eight hours sleep at night to be more energetic and healthier?

And what the f*uck is going on,  with that ongoing deluding myself?!? Because a few of my ancestors became over eighty years old, without having the knowledge we have access to these days, that doesn’t mean it will change the fact that smoking is bad for my physical health. Jeeeeeez….No, it isn’t better for your mental health either, you Mimosa PudicaQuit fooling yourself, by telling yourself it is your only bad habit. It is NOT your ONLY bad habit and it IS a bad habit.

Sigh.

Angry. Again. With myself.

Listen. Really listen. I caught myself giving unasked advice more frequently again. My hair in my neck starts to vibrate every single time someone does that to me, so HELLO, stop doing that yourself. That realization got me also thinking again, about the wisdom already out there: in books, at internet, within the souls of older wise humans, hence even to be found in nature around us. I do not need to tell people, what they already know or can find for themselves. The only thing I can do, is acknowledge that all the wisdom shared before my existence is true. Only if I find, experience, solid arguments to contradict that wisdom, then I have a responsibility to speak up.

Words. We use it to communicate, but since when did they become more important then DO ?
With words I can comfort, delude, convince, hurt, acknowledge and so much more. Myself. Others.
I could talk for hours, to myself, to others. How does that make any difference, if I do not DO? Not follow up my own advice? If I don’t listen, really listen.

Don’t be so/to hard on yourself. Visualize steam coming out my ears, every time I hear that sentence. If I want to become a better person, a wiser person, I need to be a b*tch to myself.

Period.

And you know what? Writing this post, made me realize, I turned my anger into something positive. Right?

So, I am going to beat myself up a bit more for a little while 😉

~~~

Update:
I closed the comment section, since being a Mimosa Pudica, (and gaining a bit more wisdom over the years, I know it is useless) I don’t stay angry long.
With this post and connection with a few dear readers, I feel a lot better again.
I am who I am and kicking myself under my own but, every now and then, well…it works for me 😉
So, mission accomplished.
Thanks for reading!  XxX

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “Angry with myself

  1. and yet I wonder dear Patty…. is it really necessary, is it the only way… to beat yourself up to get your anger out of the way and become that person you want to become? *wink*
    I know, that’s just because in my (picture of the) world, ‘beating yourself up’ is not the most sympathetic way of treating yourself. So maybe it’s worth to make a little journey and find out if there’s an other, maybe slightly friendlyer way to get to your goal (dubble wink)…
    Big Hugg x

    Liked by 1 person

    • O yes, there are kinder ways indeed, but are they truly as effective as being brutally honest with yourself?
      That’s just what is going through my head lately again 😉
      Always thankful for your wisdom, dear Helena. Big hug for you too! XxX

      Like

      • I don’t know, can’t tell you if the kind way is as effective…for you. But maybe is worth to unravel, who knows….
        As far as i know and experienced is that most of the time beeing angry costs (negative) energy…energy which can be used for maybe even bigger things….*bigsmile* and ofcourse whising you a lovely day x

        Liked by 1 person

        • Being a Mimosa Pudica and slightly getting a bit wiser over the years, I don’t stay angry long, not even with myself 😉
          I think I was/am more frustrated then angry and I do agree, negative energy is not good for health. However, we need Yin AND Yang to keep balance, to learn…so, that’s why I really believe, it isn’t necessarily always a ‘bad thing’, to get angry, frustrated…it makes me realize what I do NOT want 😉
          Stay safe dear friend, and if possible inside today! Lovely day for you too and a great weekend (playing in the snow? ) XxX

          Like

  2. Be kind to yourself… You are who you are, no less, no more. A human… What would you tell someone who’s beating him- or herself up up for not being perfect… ? Give yourself a fair answer and don’t become so angry for showing weaknesses or imperfections 😉 That is my -unasked- advice 🙃 Big hug ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • You know, Marije…I used to say exactly the same. But that is not who I am and honestly don’t believe, is the complete answer to get yourself somewhere, the key to reach your goals. Being fair to yourself is to me, being honest to yourself. And sometimes a kick underneath your own but, is needed too 😉
      Thanks for reading and commenting. XxX

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Patty, you’re doing just fine I’m sure. I will say that I feel as you do when people give me unsolicited advice, in fact, it’s one of my least favorite things, so I do as you’ve said here. I TRY not to give advice to people, whether they ask for it or not. Treat people like you want to be treated, right? But that brings me back to you and this post. Treat yourself the way you would want someone else to treat you. (<<< this isn't advice though) lol 😉

    Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.