Again. This year I will turn 45, no guarantees of course, however I believe I will become 99, and just the other day I told myself, again, I should know better by now. Really. I do still tell myself that occasionally, with full understanding I’ll will never be through learning. The realization of still doing that ridiculous habit, made me angry with myself, again.
Getting better at going with the flow, so when our oldest dog has a bad day, I know I have to walk three shorter strolls instead of two longer hikes and adjust the rest of my plans for that day. However, my youngest dog (turning two years old in March) has a problem with calming down and I have to put her on the leash next to me, to protect herself against herself, to make sure she rest enough. It got me thinking, maybe I need a leash too. Really. Really?
Angry with myself again. Do I really need a leash, literally or metaphorically, to calm down every now and then? Do I really need to read articles, scientifically based or experience-based, that I need at least eight hours sleep at night to be more energetic and healthier?
And what the f*uck is going on, with that ongoing deluding myself?!? Because a few of my ancestors became over eighty years old, without having the knowledge we have access to these days, that doesn’t mean it will change the fact that smoking is bad for my physical health. Jeeeeeez….No, it isn’t better for your mental health either, you Mimosa Pudica. Quit fooling yourself, by telling yourself it is your only bad habit. It is NOT your ONLY bad habit and it IS a bad habit.
Angry. Again. With myself.
Listen. Really listen. I caught myself giving unasked advice more frequently again. My hair in my neck starts to vibrate every single time someone does that to me, so HELLO, stop doing that yourself. That realization got me also thinking again, about the wisdom already out there: in books, at internet, within the souls of older wise humans, hence even to be found in nature around us. I do not need to tell people, what they already know or can find for themselves. The only thing I can do, is acknowledge that all the wisdom shared before my existence is true. Only if I find, experience, solid arguments to contradict that wisdom, then I have a responsibility to speak up.
Words. We use it to communicate, but since when did they become more important then DO ?
With words I can comfort, delude, convince, hurt, acknowledge and so much more. Myself. Others.
I could talk for hours, to myself, to others. How does that make any difference, if I do not DO? Not follow up my own advice? If I don’t listen, really listen.
Don’t be so/to hard on yourself. Visualize steam coming out my ears, every time I hear that sentence. If I want to become a better person, a wiser person, I need to be a b*tch to myself.
And you know what? Writing this post, made me realize, I turned my anger into something positive. Right?
So, I am going to beat myself up a bit more for a little while 😉
I closed the comment section, since being a Mimosa Pudica, (and gaining a bit more wisdom over the years, I know it is useless) I don’t stay angry long.
With this post and connection with a few dear readers, I feel a lot better again.
I am who I am and kicking myself under my own but, every now and then, well…it works for me 😉
So, mission accomplished.
Thanks for reading! XxX